Blackmail
by The SkyWolves
Summary: What happens to all the lovestruck fools when Yugi goes nuts?
1. Yami POV

DISCLAIMER: (in unison) The SkyWolves own NOTHING of Yu-Gi-Oh except for Falcona's dueling deck. Kazuki Takahashi (lucky baka) owns it. Shimatta. Don't own anything else we refer to, either.  
Luke: WARNING!!! This is a very, um, interesting fic I wrote when I had free rein of the house (rare. YEAH!!! DAD'S NOT HERE!!!) . My first Net-published fic! First from any SkyWolf! THANKS A TON TO META FOR POSTING!!! And the plot bunny was his, too! Hope ya like! But this is VERY ODD. Warning! OOC Yugi, some Anzu bashing, YAOI (S/J, Y/YY, B/R, and a little fake S/YY).  
SUMMARY: Why is Yugi acting so bizarre?   
  
Chapter I: Torture.  
~~~~YAMI POV~~~~   
Okay, malls are stupid. But Yugi insisted, and I just can't say no to my hikari. So there I was, bored out of my skull, and I seriously had to get some fresh air. CLAUSTROPHOBIA... CAN'T BREATHE.   
"Hey, Spencer's!" Yugi grabbed my arm, dragging me into a shop. Did I say shop? I meant MEDIEVAL TORTURE CHAMBER! I clapped a hand over Yugi's eyes as I tried to back out. "Yami, get your hand off my face!"  
"This is no place for you, young one. Let's go."  
"No way, Yami! And what do you mean, 'no place for me?'" He struggled and squirmed, swatting at my hand. "I know what this place has in it. I'm 16! I can handle it!"   
"You are too young!" I insisted, keeping my palm plastered over Yugi's virgin eyes and fighting to not make an ass of myself. "I wouldn't let my 16-year-old kid in here!"  
"Then you'll make a great dad someday!" he mocked, grabbing my wrist and trying to shove me away.  
"Oh, quiet, Aibou! Now let's go!"  
"Let go! Or I'll stuff you in the Puzzle!"  
Now this got my attention. That was the LAST thing I wanted. "You wouldn't!" I gasped, drawing back. He used this to shake himself free of my hand, and abruptly grew wide-eyed.   
"GLOWY STUFF!!!" he hollered, bolting over to the corner of the store where I saw, as I attempted to peer over the shelves, a whole bunch of, as Yugi said, glowy stuff. Hm. He seemed not to notice the nasty stuff. I shook my head with a chuckle. If anyone could ignore gross stuff, it was Yugi. I began to wander aimlessly through the store, grimacing in distaste at the marijuana references on some of the merchandise, and at the sick comments on others. Spotting a shelf of neat lamps, I decided to investigate.   
"AAH! You!" I picked myself up off of the floor where the speaker and I had fallen after our collision. The tomb robber!  
"What are you doing in a store, thief?"  
"Moshi moshi, Pharaoh! What planet are you from? This is my type of place! Snarky stuff, drug stuff, sadistic stuff, it positively screams 'steal me!'" Bakura snarled- quietly, he wasn't a total baka- in my face. I shoved him away, and started to randomly check out lava lamps and plasma balls.  
"Heh. Baka Pharaoh," he chuckled, walking away.  
  
I was rummaging through a rack of keychains, trying to see if they had any about being from a different time period, when I saw a strange sight. Jounouchi, at the counter. Curious, I stopped him at the door.  
"Ohayo, Jou-kun. What have you there?" I asked, casually.  
"Eh, nothin'," he muttered, clutching his bag shut.  
"Nothing? Why would you be embarrassed about nothing?" I reached for the bag.  
"I said, nothin', Yami! It's not important!" He held it out of my reach, but his own action did what I had meant to. It fell open, and out tumbled a leash. A black leather leash.  
"Ooh! Is this for Kaiba's birthday next week?" I smirked, knowing Jou would say it wasn't, but unable to resist taunting him. He quickly shoved it back into the plastic sack, blushing furiously.  
"No, baka! Shizuka's gettin' a retriever!"  
"Well then, why didn't you get it from a pet store?"   
"'Cause I didn't! Now can I go?" He crossed his arms, staring at me wearily. I let him pass, snickering at his poor attempt at an alibi.  
I leaned against the doorframe, wondering how long Yugi could look at glowy stuff, and closed my eyes. Rubbing my temples, I groaned. I got up at seven for this?  
Restless, I began to pace, glancing at the clock every five seconds or so. At one of my time-checks, I stared at it longer than I usually did, trying to force it to speed up. I suddenly found myself on the floor again, and I heard a shout. "Watch it, moron! I didn't come here to get flattened!"   
Oh, shimatta. I know that voice! I groaned again, crawling to my feet. Seto Kaiba, billionaire baka extraordinaire. I glared. "Like I meant to land on my ass!"  
He returned my death glare. "Like I care about your ass!" I raised my hand to deck him, but I was interrupted.  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" I stumbled in the direction of Yugi's voice, my heart racing. Oh, no!  
"What's wrong, Aibou?" I demanded. His face was pressed against a jewelry case, and I was afraid he had been slammed into it.  
"Yamiyamiyamimoneymoneymoney!!!" he blurted hyperly, banging his fists against the glass. I blinked. Money?  
"Anoo, what for, Yugi?"  
"That," he whispered reverently. A collar, black with a golden buckle. Typical, except this one was studded with blood-red jewels. I could see why my hikari was so starry-eyed. It was beautiful- but it was ¥9000!   
"Yugi, we can't afford that! I don't have any money on me!"  
"Then get some!" he insisted.  
"How? The only way I could get money right now is if I were to duel for it!"  
"No, you don't have money to wager! But I have an idea!"   
Uh-oh! I have a bad feeling about this! "What?"  
"Kaiba's rich..." Yugi's eyes gleamed deviously.  
"So? You don't really go up to your mortal enemy and ask to borrow ¥9000! He hates us!"  
"You won't be borrowing; you'll get paid!"  
I narrowed my eyes. Was Yugi out of his mind? "And why would Kaiba pay me?"  
"Because you're going to kiss him!"  
My eyes bugged, and my stomach began to churn. "Yugi! One, I wouldn't kiss Kaiba if my soul depended upon it, and two, why the hell would he pay me if I kissed him?"  
"Simple. You kiss him until he pays you to stop!"  
I gagged. The very idea- "No way!"  
"Okay, then I'll do it!" My eyes burst out of their sockets.   
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" I screamed, grabbing him by the shoulder. "Are you crazy? I'm not letting your mouth touch that- that filth!"  
"So you'll do it?" Oh, crap. Those adorable... amethyst... eyes... No! Must... stay... strong... to keep... soul... intact...  
"No! Neither of us will!" I shook my head clear of those... eyes...  
"One of us will, and if you don't, I will!"  
"I can keep you from it!"  
"Nope! I'm the one who lets you out of the puzzle! Don't make me stuff you in it!"  
"I don't care! Neither one of us is kissing that- thing!"  
"If you're in the puzzle, how can you stop me?" I froze. No! Must... preserve... hikari's... innocence... but Kaiba... so evil... DAMN YOU YUGI!!!   
I sighed with a sickened shudder, hanging my head in surrender. I squared my shoulders, and glanced around the shop. Thank Ra, no one else was there. Bad enough I had to ruin my life: I didn't want to ruin my reputation as well. Strolling over to Kaiba, I swore I'd keep it as quick as possible, and the only way to get it over with was to make it as bad as I could.   
I pretended to be interested in a book called Life In Hell, when I suddenly grabbed a leash and threw it around Kaiba's neck. Knocking him down and straddling him, I planted a wet, gross, slobbery kiss right on his mouth. The last thing I saw was a bright light before I was entangled in the biggest fistfight of my existence.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Luke: I don't know if they have Spencer's in Japan. I don't care. Bakura is the evil one. Ryou is the good one. PLEASE review! Flames are okay, I WANT S'MORES!!! 


	2. Bakura POV

DISCLAIMER: See previous chapter.  
WARNINGS: See previous chapter.  
SUMMARY: See above statements.  
  
Chapter II: Spree!  
~~~~BAKURA POV~~~~  
Ah, malls. Stores. My kind of place! Nothing better than "window shopping" for a master thief!  
So I was browsing the bookstore, seeing if they had anything I might be able to read- fat chance! I could hardly read demotic script in my time!- or at least funny cartoons, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun, ready to whack someone, but saw nothing. I heard a snap, and looked down. Oh. The Pharaoh's hikari.   
"Yeah? What do you want?" I growled.  
He raised an eyebrow and grinned slyly. "What would you say to a business proposition?"  
"What? I'm sorry, but the only damn business I do is stealing!"  
He nodded. "That's it."  
I narrowed my eyes. The self-righteous Pharaoh's even more irritatingly goody hikari? "I don't do chump thefts!" I turned and walked out of the bookstore, but he was on my heels.  
" But what do you say about ¥9000?"  
I whirled again, bending over and glaring into his eyes. "Why would I want to steal anything for you?"  
"I can make it worthwhile."  
"Yeah. And I'm a samurai. The only thing that would be worth that trouble would be your puzzle!" I grinned, trying to freak him out so he'd leave me alone.   
He fished something out of his pocket. A Polaroid photo. He held it backwards in front of my face. "If you steal something for me, I'll let you have a copy of this!"  
I rolled my eyes, blowing some silver hair out of them. What was it? Some dumb porn photo of that whore, Anzu? A picture of the puppy, Jounouchi, making a baka out of himself again?  
He slowly turned the photo towards me, and I suddenly found religion. Yugi was Ra himself!  
"Where the hell did you get this?" I demanded, trembling with cruel glee. The Pharaoh himself, on top of Kaiba, smooching the billionaire's brains out!  
"Plan to get money for object I want. Didn't work, so I had a backup plan. I knew you'd do anything to get something like this!"   
The kid was right! A perfect blackmail picture. It was so close I could taste the Pharaoh's blood! "Name your target! I'll steal ANYTHING to get that!"  
"A collar from Spencer's. Like mine, but with crimson gems studding it. Looks really wild. Got a way to get through glass?" I scoffed.  
"Does Kaiba have money? I'm a robber!" He nodded sharply. "Anything else?"  
"No, that's it."  
"It's yours! Kid, I owe you!"  
"Great! We'll swap treasures at school Monday. Then, unless you get caught stealing it, we won't get caught."  
I let out a hoarse laugh. Me, caught? "It's as good as around your neck!" I winked, giving him the victory-sign before casually sauntering into Spencer's. Just in time! A fight! Between the Pharaoh and Kaiba, no less. I stood back, enjoying every second of this. The Pharaoh had Kaiba by the throat, and the billionaire had Yami-Yugi's head snapped back, pulled by his spiky multicolored hair. Looks like the King's affections were less than welcome! I mused, clutching my stomach to keep from splitting apart with laughter.  
The commotion distracted the counter-girl, and she ran out, screaming for security. My chance! Ducking behind a shelf, out of the range of that corner's camera and hidden from the other side's one, I threw a paperweight and smashed the camera I was under. Making my way around the combatants, I snuck under the other camera and busted it with a coffee mug. Now that I was in the clear, I ran over and kicked the jewelry case down. Avoiding touching anything- I may be from the past, but I've learned about fingerprinting- I snagged the jeweled collar, stashed it in my sweater, and bolted, pretending I was terrified of the fight. In my haste, I slammed into the security guard. Thinking fast, I spluttered, "Kaiba just attacked Yami! Please, stop them before they kill each other!" The guard nodded and ran past me into the shop.   
Whew, I sighed. But why did I say the Pharaoh was attacked? Hm. Probably 'cause I owe his hikari, and it won't do either of them good if he's busted for assault. I chuckled. That photo was mine!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Luke: That was shorter. I know, OOC Yugi. Did I do an okay Bakura? Please review! Flames will be used to burn my enemies in effigy. 


	3. Seto POV

DISCLAIMER: See statements in last chapter.  
WARNINGS: See statements in last chapter.  
SUMMARY: See above statements.  
  
Chapter III: He did WHAT?  
~~~~SETO POV~~~~  
"Freeze!" I dropped a lava lamp as a security guard rushed in, cursing as it landed on my already broken toes. "Don't move!"  
Yami looked up from the busted jewelry case he was about to try to throw, and blinked. Don't even play innocent, "Game King," I thought. You're the one who gave me the juicy!  
"What the hell is going on here?" the guard demanded.  
"This demented hentai was trying to rape me!" I screamed, waving my hand wildly in the direction of said hentai.  
"What? No!" he insisted. "I- I wouldn't!"  
"Then why on Earth did you freaking kiss me?" I yelled, stepping up to him and raising my hand to his throat.  
"I- it was a dare!"  
"And since when does the King of Games take dares, other than for duels?"  
"Eh, I can explain dat, Kaiba..." I spun, and found myself face to face with the Chihuahua.   
"If you can, you'd better!" I snarled, preparing to deck him.  
"I don' think I need to, much. I dared Yami." Something in his eyes told me: "Go along with it."  
Yami seemed to notice that, too, and nodded. I sighed, and muttered, "Oh."  
"Well, who attacked whom?" the guard asked, rolling his eyes.  
"I did, sir. Don't worry, I'll pay for the damage. Send the bill to Kaiba Seto."  
"Very well. Now get out of here!"  
As we exited, Yami groaning and me limping, Jounouchi began to laugh. "I know you didn't dare him, Mutt. What's going on?"   
"Eheh, well, I'm not really supposed ta tell."  
"Yeah, well, supposed to and going to are two very different concepts." I didn't have the patience to deal with these baka. "If it wasn't a dare, then why the damn hell did he kiss me?"  
"Well, that's a good question. Let me get Yugi. He should explain it, and he owes me, big," the Game King interfered. I scoffed.   
"Why would you need that pipsqueak to explain anything? Why would he know why you freaking kissed me?"  
"Let me get him and he'll explain. He was right in-" He stopped, his eyes darting around. "Uh, key word: 'was.' Where did he go?" The hedgehog-head began to randomly bolt around the mall, uncertain of which direction he should go.  
"Las' I saw him was at da food court," Jounouchi called, trying to get his panicking friend's attention. Yami blinked, and blazed off in the wrong direction.  
"It's downstairs, baka!" I shouted, losing even more patience. "By the arcade!"  
He screeched to a halt, and started running down the escalator- well, he tried to run. The idiot was on the wrong one! His foot caught on the moving stairs, sending him flying into a group of shoppers. "Gomen nasai!!!" he hollered, clobbering even more people. I followed the Puppy onto the correct escalator, feeling an incredible craving for a nice hot cup of tea.   
What did I do to deserve this? I whined, regretting the fact that Mokuba had wheedled me into taking him here. He was in the arcade, and here I was, following around some psychotic moron with a crappy sense of direction. Well, at least at the food court I'll be able to get a drink.  
When we got to the bottom, Yami was struggling to pull himself out of the fountain. Jounouchi gave him a hand. "Arigatou, Jou-kun," the King of Games murmured, stumbling to his feet with a blank look on his face.   
"Anoo, maybe ya oughta sit down for a bit, man!"  
"No, I'll be fine, Jounouchi. I've just got to find Yugi." The Mongrel shrugged, and pointed.  
"The food court's over dere. Yug' was at da Starbuck's."  
We split up, searching the area. I looked at the burger joints, the pretzel stand, the Orange Julius- whatever that is, Mokuba likes them- the cookie shop, grabbed a Pepsi at a vending machine, and then I found him. Near the sub shop, he was backed into a wall by someone I had hoped to never see again.  
Anzu. Mazaki Anzu. The preppiest whore in school, with all of her baka "friendship" rants. Anzu, laying a big fat juicy on Yugi, who was struggling desperately and spluttering ridiculously. I couldn't help feeling sorry for the boy. "Hey, let him go!"  
She stopped, blinking, and Yugi took in a great gasp of air, still writhing anxiously. "What? Why should I, Kaiba? What does this have to do with you?"  
"Nothing! I just need to talk to him, and I can't do that if you asphyxiate him."  
"Talk to him? Since when do you care? I didn't think you could!" Oh, no, not a friendship lecture!  
"Shut up, slut. I don't. I just need to find out something." Yugi, having caught his breath by now, interrupted.  
"Anzu, please. One, you're suffocating me! And two, Kaiba's right. I've gotta tell him something." She glared down at him, but sighed in frustration and dropped him. He rubbed his ribs where her arms had been constricting him, and walked towards me. "Arigatou," he muttered, wiping his mouth free of her slobber.  
"No problem. I wanted to save some people their appetites."  
"Yeah, gross, huh?" I nodded.  
"Yeah. But about unwanted kisses..."  
"Kaiba, you're going to keep your mouth shut about this." I blinked.  
"Huh? Of course I am! I'm not going to blow my reputation!"  
"No. You are not going to tell anyone what I am about to tell you." Nervously, I chuckled. Was it just me, or did Yugi just give an order?  
"Anoo, okay," I cautiously replied.  
"I made Yami kiss you so you'd pay him to stop. I wanted the money to buy a really killer collar. You didn't pay him, though, you pummeled him. So I had a backup plan. I bribed Bakura to steal it for me."  
I bolted, about to scream for the Game King, when Yugi called my name. "Kaiba!" I froze.  
"What? Yami needs to know about this!"  
"Nope. I said you won't tell anyone." Uh-oh. What was Yugi planning?  
A smug grin mocked me, and he pulled something out of his pocket. A photo- of the King of Games, slobbering all over me! "WHAT?" I screamed.   
"And I have copies! So keep your trap shut, or I'll stick this in everyone's locker!"  
I began to tremble violently, and I fell to my knees. Yugi had me trapped. I would kiss Yugi himself in public if he told me to, just to keep that from being seen.   
"Are we going to be silent?" I nodded, nearly crying. "Good." He started to walk away, and I followed him, to meet up with the others.  
"Aibou! Where the hell have you been?" Yami grabbed the smaller boy by the shoulders.  
"Anzu had me trapped! Kaiba saved me!" Yugi's eyes were wide and innocent, and showed none of the devious cruelty they had.  
"And Yugi explained about the attempt to get money. No further explanation is needed."  
"Okay. Yugi, I think we've had enough 'fun' for one day. We should go home." Yugi nodded.  
"Well, sayonara!" Jounouchi shouted after them.   
"Ugh. You wouldn't happen to have a cure for someone who's feeling neurotic, would you?" I asked, kneading my tense neck.  
"WHAT?" he yelled. It might have been the light, but I swore his face turned red.  
"I'm feeling insane! You don't have a cure, do you?" I demanded, speaking louder.  
"Oh! Neurotic!"  
"That's what I said! What did you think it was?" Okay! I knew his face was red.  
"Eh, nothing. Nothing relevant." Yup. The Puppy was blushing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Luke: Yugi's getting VERY OOC! MWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! First blackmailing Yami, then bribing Bakura, then blackmailing Seto! NEXT PATIENT, PLEASE! You know the drill! REVIEW, SHIMATTA! 


	4. Ryou POV

DISCLAIMER: Duh.  
WARNINGS: This one has a bit of citric content, but it's not even limey. I'd call it an O.J. It has some implications. But, there is some serious injury occurring.   
SUMMARY: This one's not very humor oriented, especially later on. It gets really angsty, but lightens up in the end.   
  
Chapter IV: Screwed!  
~~~~RYOU POV~~~~  
I had an odd weekend. I didn't really know what to make of my yami's bizarre behavior. Oh, no, it wasn't frightening, not actively threatening, but I was still nervous. And, well, I must admit, just a tad- oh, how to say it- jealous. Yes, I, Bakura Ryou, jealous over my yami. Perhaps it was the fact that he was actually smiling- well, smiling one second, smirking the next- and it wasn't me making him. Maybe because he spent even more time in my room (with me locked out, as always), seeming to be plotting. Or, just maybe, it had something to do with his speech. "Yugi is Ra! Oh, yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes! Oh, I didn't think the Pharaoh's hikari would even be good for anything! Heeheeheehee..."  
Yes, my yami was giggling. Giggling! If I were to bring it up, I would probably get pounded. And I didn't really care. It's not like I'm not used to it. But still, why bother if I'm not going to get a real answer? Getting my arse kicked with no gain was not my idea of fun. However, I couldn't help feeling a little left out.   
Well, as I said, my weekend was odd. Bakura-sama not pulverizing me? Bakura-sama GIGGLING? Something was dead wrong, and I was determined to find out what. So, I decided to start at school. Monday morning. First period. The perfect time to speak with Yugi. So I packed my school case and headed out the door.  
  
"Ne, Yugi?" I asked as I took my seat.   
"Hai?"  
"I was just wondering..." I drifted off, hoping that he would understand that my quiet tone meant I wanted him to listen closely. He nodded his encouragement, and I continued, little more than a whisper. "Why- why was Bakura-sama shouting you were Ra all weekend? I know you were at the mall when he was, and, well, he's been practically singing hymns of praise to you! You- you didn't, you know, LAY him, did you?"  
I was highly relieved at the sight of Yugi's face: It turned green. "Anoo, NANI?" His violet eyes bugged. "You didn't just ask what I think you asked, okay? Gods! Me? With HIM? Damn bloody freakin' stinkin' piece of crap HELL NO!"  
Yugi's voice was just a bit louder than I'd have liked. And by that I mean the entire class was now staring at us. Including the sensei.   
"Mutou-san!" she glared. "And Bakura-san! Him, I could expect, but you? You're usually such a quiet boy!"  
"Just for the record, Ryou wasn't being loud, Kitayaki-sensei," This, from Anzu? Why was she defending me?  
"Well, I can't let one person in a conversation be loud without consequences for both. And besides: If Bakura-san had done nothing to merit discipline, Mutou-san would not have sworn like that."  
I grumbled as she handed me a detention slip. Giving Yugi a death glare, I stuffed the scrap into my pocket, AKA the black hole of stuff. You think Jonouchi or Honda's organizational habits are bad? When you've dealt with my yami as long as I, you sort of drop any order you have in your life. I knew I would never see that damn little piece of trash again. I put my head on the desk, and let myself fall asleep.  
  
/Hikari!/ I groaned. /HIKARI!!! WAKE UP, BAKA!!!/  
/Just five more minutes, mama./ I wasn't getting up any time soon.  
Correction! I was up! I was UP! Up... and running like a racehorse to my next class. /Damn bloody baka bell!/  
/It got you up, didn't it? After this class, let me talk to the Pharaoh's hikari. Oh, and by the way. IF YOU EVER THINK I'M SLEEPING WITH ANYONE WITHOUT PROOF, I SWEAR TO RA I'LL EITHER ANNIHILATE YOU OR SCREW YOU!!!/ I held a hand to my forehead, dazed by the volume of my yami's mindvoice.   
/Itai!/  
/Oh, GOMEN!/ His voice was dripping, no, SLOBBERING, sarcasm. /So sorry to have hurt your girly little head!/  
/Girly? Who the **** are you calling girly?!?!?!?!?!/  
/Well, THAT's a word I didn't know you knew!/  
/Shove it. You gave me a damn migraine./  
/You ARE a damn migraine!/  
  
After another class (that I called Advanced Screwy Sleep Habits), I met Yugi outside of the school library.  
"Thanks so much. Now I've got a damn detention! And a damn migraine!"  
/Hey, that was MY FAULT, REMEMBER?/   
/Shut up, Bakura-sama!/  
"Sorry. Hey, could I talk to the spirit of the Ring?" I sighed and nodded.  
/You're on./  
/Duh./  
  
After what seemed to be about the lunch period, I heard my yami cussing up a storm outside of my Soul Room. Cautiously, I peeked out. "Bakura-sama?"  
He glared at me. "THAT DAMN LITTLE PATHETIC NO-GOOD PHARAOH'S HIKARI SCREWED ME!"  
I gasped. "WHAT? #%^@&@%^@%@*^$%&!"  
He looked at me funny. "What?"  
"Okay. NOW I THINK YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE!!!"  
"What? What in Seth's name are you babbling about?" His fiery crimson eyes held a great amount of confusion. "What damn evidence have you?"  
"Moshi moshi, Bakura-sama! YOU JUST SAID YUGI SCREWED YOU!"  
He blinked, and I saw genuine blankness, until his face abruptly contorted into a grimace of disgust. "You sick little hentai no baka! Why the hell would I be in bed with THAT little freak? At least YOU have hair that looks possible! At least YOU look like you're old enough to screw! And besides, do you seriously think I would risk getting my arse sent to the Shadow Realm by the Pharaoh? He would annihilate me before I even got turned on!" He stopped ranting, and leaned against the dark wall of our mind-corridor. "Oy! What the hell has gotten into you, hikari? Reading too much fanfics? Or is it that you're watching too many damn chick flicks?"  
"Bakura-sama! You know I hate chick flicks! Too many straight people!" Oops. Eheh, didn't mean to blurt that out.   
He raised an eyebrow. Crap. Ohcrapocrapocrap! I was as good as dead! No way Bakura would want a "pansy" for a hikari! But, to my surprise, he said nothing of it. Instead, he grinned. "Well, then, what sort of films DO you like?"  
I shrugged. "I dunno. Horror, sci-fi, alien flicks, funny stuff-"  
"Like Adam Sandler?"  
"Eh, I prefer Robin Williams, or Jackie Chan. Some Jim Carrey, but I DID like Sandler's _Little Nicky_."  
He burst into laughter. "Now THAT was a good one. Heh, devil and angel. Neat concept."  
I found myself blushing slightly. Devil and angel? For an odd reason, it reminded me of Bakura-sama and I. 'No! Don't even think like that! HE'll hear you!'  
But he didn't even notice. 'Gods! He's about as smart as a rock!' Uh-oh! THIS, he noticed!  
"WHAT? Smart as a rock? How dare you, you little punk!" He scrambled after me, but I got into my Soul Room and locked the door behind me. He pounded on it, but I knew I was safe. He had never penetrated that door, but I wasn't certain why. Was he not powerful enough? Or did he just not care to, for reasons of his own? Hm. Something to consider. But very, VERY carefully.   
His noise died down, and I heard one final shout. "WHATEVER! Like I give a damn!" He seemed to be calmer. I hoped so. Bakura-sama plus anger equals VERY HURT ME! But I waited a few minutes before emerging. I hoped that we were somewhere that we could be in our Soul Rooms without "normal" people getting weirded out. As I left, I peered around. He was nowhere in sight. So I just decided to hang out in the hall. I COULD stay in my room, but I really didn't want to. It was nice, yes. All warm with deep colors- crimson, hunter green, midnight, royal purple, mahogany, black, comfortable, soothing colors. But if my yami returned, I wanted to be ready, so I kept watch. I sat down with my back to the wall, lacing my fingers at the back of my neck. Without being beaten for a good two days, my muscles were far less sore than usual, so I ended up relaxing more than I'd intended. My last thought before dozing off was, 'Damn, I've been _smart._ Oh, yes, yes, yes. Maybe I should just kiss him and be done with it, the way I've been so close to giving it away! I- I can't believe he hasn't n-noticed...'  
  
I gave a yawn as I began to wake up, sensing a presence nearby. My eyes slowly, lazily fluttered open, and the first thing I saw was Bakura-sama. No, scratch that: Bakura-sama ASLEEP! Asleep, across the hall from me. My first thought was 'Oh, crap! Are we somewhere that we CAN sleep? I looked at my watch (yes, I have a watch in spirit form), and it said 4:30. Good. We were home. We could take a nap. But why did my yami choose to sleep in our mind-hall? He could have left the Ring, or gone into his Soul Room. And he usually avoids me. But I couldn't help gazing at him. Never before had I been able to see him asleep, and I was somewhat startled. He would always go into his Soul Room, or make me sleep on the couch (with him in my bedroom). Once he even made me sleep outside! It was raining, but it was in the middle of summer, so it was pretty comfortable even though I was drenched. But never before had he slept near me, and I was dumbstruck. He looked so gentle asleep, as though his eyes had never held that strict angularity, that harsh sharpness. I found myself smiling lightly. He looked so cute. I was truly glad that he had fallen asleep. But it made my life a bit harder. Made me fall even more in love. Crap. NOW how was I going to hide it? I was as good as dead! The only way I'd be safe was if I somehow managed to seduce him. Wha-? Why did I even think I'd have a chance of doing that? Ninety-nine point nine repeating percent of a chance of getting killed! Then, about a half of what remained would be the chance of him leaving. Then, half of THAT was for him just laughing. Then, half of THAT, the "No, let's just be friends," thing. Then, half of THAT was, oh, Gods,why the hell am I trying to put this into mathematical probability? Oy, I'd just restart my migraine.   
As I yawned again, I realized that I was staring at him. I couldn't tear my eyes away. He was ADORABLE! His wild hair, flopping in one direction, standing straight up in another. His pale skin, so smooth and soft seeming. His face, so relaxed, so peaceful. He looked like an angel, but I knew that he was really not innocent enough to be. Duh. But, was I? My choice of words, sometimes, didn't seem it. My choice of reading? Eheh, *cough*lemons*cough.* I wondered, vaguely, what Bakura-sama would think of me, if he knew. If he knew I SO had the hots for him. If he knew that I, currently, wanted to just screw his brains out. Oh, crap! OH, SHIT! No, nonononononono! *Cough*don'teventhinkaboutit*cough!* BAKURA RYOU, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF YOUR BLOODY PANTS! Oh, I was so DEAD!  
I heard a quiet groan, and I blushed hotly. Oh, crap. I was dead, I was screwed! (Uh, just a note. I WISHED!) I could kiss my ass goodbye (even though I wasn't the one I wanted to kiss it!). My face got more red by the second. Cautiously, I peeked at Bakura-sama. He was trying to crack his neck. By the grimace I saw, he seemed to be failing miserably. Without thinking, I scooted over to him. Wrapping one arm around his shoulders, I used my other hand to lightly squeeze the nape of his neck, hoping to release the knot I could tell was in his muscles. He made no move to resist, so I continued, beginning to knead his back. Mm, strong. Oh, this was SUCH a bad idea. Great. I was turned on and trying to hide it, what do I do? Get REALLY close to him and give him a massage. Brilliant. Yeah, touching your crush will REALLY get rid of your *cough* more intimate feelings. But I couldn't pull away, this might be my only chance to be this close. He squirmed a little, and I heard popping in his neck. Ah, good. I got him to be able to. Okay, pull away, Ryou! You did what you came over to! You don't need to keep stroking his back! Oh, but he was so WARM.  
I found my lip trembling as my hands began to commit mutiny. No, baka! Stop, before he notices! Before he KILLS YOU! But I couldn't stop. And, oddly enough, he DIDN'T seem to care, or notice, or whatever. I suddenly ran my fingers through his hair, and was shocked at how soft it was. Even softer than I could have imagined. I heard a loud moan, though. Bakura-sama MOANED? At MY touch? He was ENJOYING it? Oh, how I HAD to pull him even closer, into my lap. My hands roamed into his shirt, and I started to tickle him. He gasped, and shuddered. I blushed more than ever, and then grew pale at the sight of his face. The eyes held a sharp cruelty, and I quickly drew away.  
"Oh. So THAT's what's got you thinking so much about me screwing people. Heh, never figured YOU for the horny type." As soon as he shifted position slightly, I scrambled out from underneath him, backing away. Turning my back to him, I rushed into my Soul Room, shaking and feeling like I should cry. I buried my face in my hands, sore from trying to resist. I collapsed onto the carpet, curling into a fetal position as I panted and shivered. 'Oh, no.'  
I was startled out of what little wits I had left by a light, sharp tapping. Tapping? Who would tap? Bakura-sama always banged on my door, never tapped. Oh, what did it matter? I couldn't come out. Either my yami would break my heart, or he would beat the stuffing out of me, or both. I couldn't-  
"Hikari?" What? Was that Bakura-sama's voice? No, impossible. It was too gentle. Too soft. He would never let ME speak like that, let alone use that tone with me. But who else would it be?  
"Hikari, open this door."  
"Why? Why should I?"  
"Because I want to speak with you, damnit!" THAT sounded more like him.  
"Why? How do I know you're not going to horribly maim me, or worse?"  
"Damnit, hikari, I'm a madman, not a sadist! I'm a thief, not a damn necrophile!"  
I could hardly hear that statement, for it was whispered. Whispered? Why not shouted?  
"Hikari, open this door, now. And please, come out here. Or let me in. Please." I was stunned. He said "please?" Twice? What was this, some sort of trick? Or was he sincere? Cautiously, I rose and cracked the door, expecting him to shove it open once it was no longer locked. Instead, I saw him leaning on the wall next to it, his eyes closed.  
"Bakura-sama?" I murmured, keeping my eyes downcast.  
"Hikari, what the hell is with you?" It was not a demand, just a request. Spoken just as gently as mine.  
"Nani?"  
"You know what I mean. You're acting as unstable as a manic-depressive female on PMS. One minute you're scratching my back, the next you're cowering as though you expect me to kill you."  
I grew even more speechless. His tone was low, but not threatening. I couldn't respond.  
"Do you fear that? Do you fear that I will kill you?"  
I found my voice, although it was very hoarse and timid. "Can- can you blame me?"  
He sighed, and replied, "No, I- I suppose not. I- I'm sorry. I should have just left you alone." He pushed away from the wall, and I heard his Soul Room door creak. "I- I'm sorry," he whispered, and I heard a click as the door shut.  
I turned away, lightly closing my own door, but not letting it shut completely. Stumbling over to my bed, I slowly sat, clutching the pillow to my chest and beginning to weep.  
  
I awoke from my troubled sleep to a loud creak. I bolted up and to my Soul Room's door, throwing it open and quickly searching the hall. "Bakura-sama?" I gasped as I saw him disappear. So he went out of the Ring. Either into my body, or into his own. I decided to try to get into my body, and I did. He was walking down the stairs as I staggered out of my room. "Bakura-sama! Wait!"  
He froze. "Hikari, I think I should go."  
"What? Go? Go where?"  
"I don't know. I just don't think I should stay. I- I think you'd be better off."  
Better off? Since when did my yami care about my well being? "Ba- Bakura-sama! Wait! No!"  
He turned to me, and I saw his eyes, normally so hard, sagging. And were they- sorrowful? "Ryou, I don't want to make you feel like I'm going to kill you. I never wanted that. I- I just wanted to make you strong. I just wanted to give you strength, and I failed. I didn't give you any, but I can't stay. If you can't be strong, at least I can."  
He called me Ryou. Never before had he acknowledged my given name. But I didn't understand. "What? Wha- what do you mean, Bakura-sama?"  
He turned away again. "I won't let myself become weak. I'm sorry, but I can't handle that."  
"What's making you weak? I don't see you as weak! I NEVER could!"  
He hung his head. "Then you don't quite get it. It's you, Ryou. You make me weak."  
I gasped. I did? "But, how, Bakura-sama?"   
He sighed. "Because I can't control myself around you. Because I can't stop hurting you, because I can't stop being hurt by you." His voice was shaking, and I was pierced to the core by his words. "I- I don't mean that you do it on purpose. Anything but. Ryou, I'm hurt because I'm afraid. Not of YOU, not of you being harmful to me. In truth, I'd prefer that, for then, I wouldn't feel the guilt I do. Damn you, Ryou, you pathetic excuse for a hikari! Damn you! You don't even know how bad it hurts, to be afraid of your own feelings, because you can't understand them! And when I try to, it just confuses me more. You know how I am! I can't take it, if I don't know what the hell's going on! I get angry, I go insane. That much, you know. But I could handle it, if I could just punch you and get it over with. Damn you! Damn you, you little pain in the ass! If I could just hit you once! But that's my damn problem! I can't! You just HAVE to be so damn cute! You HAVE to have those Ra-damned melty eyes that just seem to mirror your pain, right back at me! You just HAVE to have that beautiful skin, that it makes me feel like shit whenever I ruin it! You just HAVE to be linked to me, so I can feel the hell I put you through as though it were my own! Ra, Set, Osiris, Aset, Bastet, Anpu, Sekhmet, Ma'at, Horus, Nut, Hathor, Geb, Amon, AAH! Why the hell do I have to feel all of your pain! I hate being hurt, and it just makes me more mad! And then I hurt you more, and, oh, AAH! I hate it, and then I hate you, but I realize that's not right, 'cause then why the hell would I care if I hurt you? Then I realize that it's not YOU I hate, but my own damn baka self! I realize that I'm hurting my own damn self, and that just pisses me off more, and AAH! Why the hell do I love you SO DAMN MUCH?"  
My eyes were wide, and I was trembling with conflicting emotions. He was, too, and glaring. My jaw slowly fell open as his words registered. He- he loved me? I felt tears streak down my face, and I looked away. He groaned, and sat down a few steps below me, his shoulders drooping. "Ryou, I think it would be better if I left. Safer, for you."  
"No!" I sobbed. "Bakura-sama, my yami, I- I don't know what I'd do without you! Please, don't! I- I'm sorry!"  
"Sorry? Why the hell are you apologizing? You haven't done anything! Damnit! Damn it all! Oh, Ra! Please don't even THINK of apologizing! Damnit, Ryou, it's all my damn fault! If- if I wasn't such a baka, I'd be able to stay! But I can't take it! Gods! Half the time, I want to freakin' kill you, the other, I want to kiss you! And the only reason I want to kill you is 'cause I don't know what the hell's happening to me! You damn little hikari! Why the hell do you have to be so damn beautiful? Why do you have to be so sweet, so gentle? Why do you have to make me want you so bad? WHY CAN'T I HATE YOU?" He stood, screaming these words, and I felt my soul being shredded as his crimson eyes met mine. My heart was broken as I saw that they were filled with tears. "Why can't I shut the hell up? Why do I keep on spouting mush that's just making us both cry? Why do you have to cry with me? Why do I cry worse the more I see you cry? What the hell are you? You've got me enslaved so badly, and that's exactly what I'm afraid of! I HATE this! Why the hell are you crying, you pathetic little- ! Stop it! You're just- leave me alone! Let me leave in peace! I- I- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"   
I stepped back as he screamed in pain, clawing at his own face. "Bakura-sama! No, no!" I reached for him, but he swatted my hand away, howling and whimpering. "Bakura-sama, no, please!" I begged as he began to gnaw at his wrist, hysterically giggling and sobbing.  
Desperate, I grabbed his hands, holding them with one hand. I drew the other back, and firmly slapped him. He stopped, in shock, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, heaving him up the stairs. Carrying him into the bathroom, I held him in my lap as I began to run the hot water. Carefully, I pulled off his shirt, stroking his chest soothingly, murmuring reassuringly in his ear. "Bakura-sama, ssh. Ssh. It's okay, it's okay. Rest, now, rest." Stripping him to his shorts, I felt the water. Good. It was plenty warm. I let the tub fill, and as I did so, wiped his wounds clean with some tissue and peroxide. They were pretty deep. They would need more than home care. Or would they? Bakura-sama would often, if he injured me badly, use his powers to heal me. Could I do the same? I was determined to try.  
I placed my hands on his face, not heeding the blood running down my arms, and began to focus. I closed my eyes, using my fingers to see the gashes, hoping that my touch didn't hurt him more. Gathering energy, I projected it into him. I felt the wounds seal, heal. Even the blood disappeared. Opening my eyes, I saw that I had healed his arm, as well. Good. Now to help heal his spirit. The tub was full, so I carefully turned, and lowered him into the hot water. Trickling it over his face with my hands, I stroked his cheek, now smooth once more. A tear made it's way down my face, dripped onto his. His eyes, which had been frozen wide open, blinked and grew even wider. They met mine, for an instant, before he squeezed them shut. "Bakura-sama," I whispered softly, bringing my face closer to his. I lightly pressed my lips to his cheek, and continued. "Bakura-sama, ssh. It's okay, I'm right here. I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm here for you."  
I stroked his chest, more, and was startled at his response. Slowly, almost as though he were afraid to (and he may well have been), he raised his hand to meet mine, holding it to his heart. Sobbing, he encouraged me to keep kneading. Very willingly, I obliged. Reaching behind his ear with my free hand, I began to scratch behind it. With a slight moan, he nuzzled at my fingers. "Oh, Ryou!" he whispered, quivering. He brought my hand to his lips, and I was overjoyed when he kissed my fingers. Impulsively, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Oops. I promptly got drenched. My shirt. Oops. I chuckled nervously, and my yami chuckled in amusement. "Well, you've done it now!"  
"Hai!" I began to giggle as I blushed. His chuckle grew into a bit of a snicker, and I looked into his deep ruby eyes. Uh-oh. Mischief. Oh, NO!  
I gasped as he grabbed my shoulders, dragging me in. Squirming and splashing around, I was very grateful we had a large tub. My yami was fully laughing now, as I floundered around. I had no intention of getting out, for I was already as wet as possible, but it would be nice if I could get my legs untangled. Grr, damn jeans! Wet denim is SO hard to move in! Finally, I managed to get sitting on my butt, and shook my head in disbelief. Hard to believe that only five minutes ago, I was crying my eyes out. Now, I was absolutely SOAKED! "You know, Bakura-sama, I'm going to GET YOU FOR THAT!"  
"I'm sure. But not right now."  
"Huh? Why not?"  
"'Cause you're gonna be busy being held," he murmured, wrapping his long arms around me. I was dumbstruck, lovestruck, starstruck, etc. He pulled me to him, and nuzzled my ear. "Mm. You're comfy."  
I blushed. "So are you," I whispered.  
"Ryou-chan?"  
I leaned back, snuggling. "Yes?"  
"Thank you. Thank you so much, for everything you've done for me. And, well, I'm sorry, my little hikari. I really blew it."  
"No, I don't see anything blown." He got the strangest look in his eyes, and I suddenly got some very pleasant chills.  
"Well, my little hikari," he hissed, slipping his hand into my soaked t-shirt, "how about we see what we can _do_ about that?" He laughed diabolically, and I abruptly began to feel VERY warm. Damn wet denim.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Luke: O.O Whoa. That got WAY LONGER and quite a bit more angsty than I expected. Was it nice and fluffy later on, or did you hate it? Did I make anyone very OOC (besides, Yugi, duh)?   
Oh, by the way. The teacher's name? TOTALLY MADE UP!!! I don't know a whole lot of Japanese. So if it really means something, it is ACCIDENTAL!!! Oh, by the way, if anyone can tell me what they actually KNOW about Marik/Malik and Isis/Ishizu besides what the WB has shown, I'd appreciate it. I don't want to use them in a fic until I know more about them. And, HOW IS MARIK/MALIK's NAME SAID IN THE ORIGINAL NON-DUB? MAH-reek, Mah-REEK, MAH-leek, or Mah-LEEK? Or is it something else? And what of his yami? And what the hell does "tauk" mean? I know it can't be in Japanese. Is it in the language of Kemet? I WILL NEVER CALL IT ANCIENT EGYPT UNLESS I AM SPEAKING TO TOTAL MORONS! They didn't call it "Egypt," that was the Greek name for their land. Kemet meant "black," and referred to the dark soils brought by the Nile's floods. And they definitely didn't call it "Ancient," for to them, it was their own time!  
Oops. I started to ramble there. Uh, back to the important stuff. About the Ishtars, I want actual FACTS, people. So, if you're not sure, or if you heard it from an unofficial source, please don't clutter my reviews. I would like to have some reviews, though. So, please? Flames will be converted into pure light energy and fed to some plants. 


	5. Jou POV

DISCLAIMER: Okay, didn't we already establish this?  
WARNINGS: Some mention of violence towards poor Jou. Some blood, not bad, though. Anzu haters, this will actually include some expression of non-hatred. BUT THERE WILL BE EXPRESSION OF ANNOYANCE!  
SUMMARY: I think this will be funnier than last chapter. Lighter, definitely.  
Chapter V:   
~~~~JOU POV~~~~  
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP! I groaned and kicked off the sheets as my alarm clock startled the hell out of me. Bringing a fist down on the damned contraption, I think I hit it harder than I should have, because I heard a CRACK! "Anoo, whoops!"  
Good. My clock didn't wake my "dad" up. Good. I could probably get some breakfast before heading for school. 'Man, I hope Yug' doesn't get detention today! I really wanted to duel! Duelin' Honda's no fun!' Grabbing my uniform from under my bed, I winced as my bending cracked a wound open. 'Shit. Now I've gotta patch myself up before I can change!' Quietly, I dragged my stuff into the bathroom. Damn. The wound was on my lower back. Better than higher up, yeah, but I still couldn't see it, 'cause our mirror was too high. Shit. Feeling my way over it with a wad of tissue, I swiped the blood off. Hm. Good, it wasn't too bad. If I could just keep that area still for a while, it'd be fine. Gingerly, I slipped my slacks on and brushed my teeth. After a quick comb of my hair, I lightly ran my finger over the injury. Dry. Good. I slipped my shirt on after applying some moisturizing ointment. (I learned it the hard way. Very dry wounds crack often. Yeah, if they're soggy, they can get infected, but I made sure to get antibiotic cream for them.)  
Carefully I tiptoed into the kitchen. No sign of any unintelligent life. Good. I grabbed an apple and a cinnamon roll from the fridge, and began to munch. Mmm. Apple/cinnamon. Perfect breakfast combo. Finishing them up, (and licking my fingers clean, *slurp*) I grabbed my pack and hauled ass for school.  
I chuckled as I thought of Yugi's weird behavior. Man, first the funky deal at the mall, then cussing Ryou out! I wondered what the hell was with him. Oh, well. I'd probably find out, soon enough. Hm. Kaiba had really seemed shaken. Yami didn't notice, but that was probably 'cause he was busy paying attention to Yugi. And probably 'cause he doesn't really like Kaiba.  
Yes, I like Kaiba, thank you very much! Believe it or not, I DO pay attention to people, especially those I care about. I paid attention to Yugi, and that's how I first got a hint that he was doing something weird. I paid attention to Yami, and that's how I figured he wasn't paying attention to Kaiba. And I paid attention to Kaiba, so I realized that he was flustered. Probably 'cause Yami kissed him. GRRR! I KNOW the circumstances behind that, and STILL I can't help feeling a bit of jealousy. Shimatta! I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST!  
Okay, I'm cool. I'm cool. No problem! Me be happy, happy Jonouchi! Hai, happy happy. Oh, Kami-sama! Okay, I'm now grossing myself out with my own perkiness. Yeah, I said perkiness. Baka sleep deprivation. It either makes me cranky or perky. Ugh. I'd rather be bitching out someone than walking around with a smile like Anzu's. YAAH! BAD MENTAL PICTURE! It wasn't that I disliked Anzu, it's just that I can sometimes feel a bit, oh, let's just call it ANNOYED!  
Okay, Jonouchi Katsuya, SHUT THE HELL UP! Just shut up and walk to school. Yes, shut up. So, as I was saying...  
  
I launched myself at my seat just as the bell rang. Whew! Nearly late again! But I made it, I'm cool! Yeah! Duhn-da-da-DA! Jou is IN THE HOUSE- anoo, I mean THE SCHOOL!  
"Hey, Jonouchi, sorry I couldn't duel yesterday! Let's do it at lunch!" I smiled at my best buddy as he hopped over desks and people. Man, that kid's got energy out the wazoo!  
"You bet, Yug'! I'm gonna stomp you so bad, you'll have negative points!"  
He laughed. "We'll see!"  
Kaiba looked up from his laptop and grinned. "Fat chance, Chihuahua! If I can't beat Yugi, there's no way in hell a pathetic loser like YOU could!"  
"As Yug' said, we'll see!" I smirked at him, but he was already back at work. Grr. I would get his attention ONE way or another. But class wasn't really the best time to do so.  
"Hi, Jou! Hi, Yugi!" Anzu. I smiled, and I WAS sincere, because she doesn't really piss me off a WHOLE lot, but I was wary.   
'Do not do anything to piss off Queen of Happy-happy Friendship Land!' I thought. 'Las' thing you want is ta make her start ranting!'  
Everyone took their seats as Kitayaki-sensei began to take roll. I leaned back in my chair. Whoops. Bad idea! I had forgotten that my seat was actually a chair and a desk, not a combined unit! The chair slid out from underneath me, and I cracked my head on the desk behind me. "Oof!"  
Itai. Where the hell was I? Oh, yes, school. Where you learn, and then get a concussion that WIPES OUT WHAT YOU LEARN! Brilliant move, Jonouchi! ITAI!!! Oh, I thought I was going to pass out...  
  
I awoke to the feel of something warm. A blanket? Naah, too firm. But the warmth was countered by something FREEZING COLD at the back of my head! Dizzily, I opened my eyes and squirmed.  
"Hold still, damnit!" Oh, crap. I knew that voice!  
"Kaiba!"  
"I said, hold still! Do I need to send you to obedience school?"  
I moved away, grabbing the ice pack. "I'll take this. Thank you, now I can handle it myself." I saw we were in the nurse's office, and I scooted away.  
"What, no 'don't tell me what to do?'"  
"It's implied! Now I said I can handle it, so why don't you just go back to class?" I was in some serious pain, and I didn't want Kaiba to give me even more of a headache. Instead, he glared smugly down his nose at me. Ooh, I wanted to just tear his nose OFF!   
"Going to lick your wounds like the dog you are?"  
"Aw, go to hell." The only thing I wanted was to lie down and go to sleep. But I couldn't do that with Kaiba taunting me.  
"Why not? Not like it'd be anything new. But I'm a little hurt! You wouldn't even take the time to make a decent comeback? I thought we were NEMESES!"  
"Okay. Now you're scarin' me. Quit talkin' like Pegasus!" I shuddered, and, with a quick glance at him, saw him look like he was about to puke. Instead, he growled.  
"Don't even compare me to that freak, Mutt!"  
"Mutt? Look who's talkin'! You're the one snarling!" I stood, but my aching head spun, and, in a spell of dizziness, I fell. Fell sitting. Fell into Kaiba's lap.  
'Shit! I would love this, if he wouldn't beat the crap outta me for it!' Still feeling loopy, I couldn't think enough to move, though.  
"Shimatta, baka! I'd think you would have sense enough to at LEAST sit still! That's it! Do I need to hold you down to keep you from hurting yourself?"  
"What does it matter? A klonk on the head's not gonna kill me!"  
"No, but it could really cause trouble! I've had concussions before, and let me tell you: If you don't sit still, you're just likely to fall, bash your head again, and MAKE IT WORSE! You're dumb enough as it is! You don't need any brain damage!"  
Surprisingly, he was keeping his voice down. That, I was really grateful for, 'cause my head didn't need any shouting. And, he DID have a point. But hey, did he just diss me AGAIN?  
But somehow I managed to ignore it. Every time he insulted me, it DID bug me, but I knew that he was right. The fact that I had fallen was proof that I was in no condition to do any serious moving. So I just let the "dumb" comment slide. But I was curious. "Ne, Seto?" I asked. Wait, did I just call him Seto? Oh, crap.  
"Yeah?" If he noticed, he didn't seem to care.  
"Why- why the hell are you bothering? You know you could just leave me in the care of the nurse. You could get back to class. You could have just brought me in and set me down."  
He was quiet, for a few moments, and then replied, "I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that I can't stand to see poor, pathetic puppies in pain." Was he mocking me? His voice was serious, and when I looked at his face, he was gazing into thin air wistfully.  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I was a bit more harsh than I'd expected.  
"It means I don't like to see you hurt. Insulted, sure, because you're a riot when you're pissed. But you're not funny when you're hurt."  
"Funny? FUNNY? What the hell am I, your jester?" I rose again, and was once more swamped with vertigo. He caught me as I fell back onto him, groaning in agony as my head tried to kill me.  
"Jonouchi, stop it! The last thing you need is to fall again! Just sit! OSUWARI!"  
Osuwari? How dare he? "I'm NOT YOUR DAMN DOG! Don't treat me like it!" Oh, shit. Oh, NOW how was I going to carry through with my plans?  
He stiffened, and something seemed to completely change. Carefully, he turned, depositing me on the nurse's bed. Grabbing the ice pack, he painfully jammed it against my head. The sudden hit made me scream in pain, before I once again blacked out...  
  
"Ohh," I moaned as I sat up, shivering. Oh, shit. The ice pack had melted and burst. Damnit! I was drenched, and freezing my ass off. But my head was better. I could sit up on my own now. I stripped my soaking jacket off, swearing at the morons who kept the school's AC on to "tundra."  
The nurse came in, and she was holding a clipboard. "Jonouchi Katsuya?"  
"Hai."  
"Feeling any better, or do we need to get an ambulance?"  
"I'll be fine."  
"Good. I'll be calling your father-"  
"NO!" He COULDN'T find out!  
"Nani? Doushite, Jonouchi-san?"  
"Because I'll be fine!" I tried to cover up. Shit. If I ratted my father out, he'd kill me!  
"Well, it's our policy to call if any child is injured. So, if I could have his number..." She held her pen over the clipboard expectantly. Fortunately, I had a backup plan.  
"331-5263."  
"Thank you."  
I breathed a sigh of relief as she left. Good. Now she would call the private line at the Mutou household. Mr. Mutou would get it, and he would cover for me. Phew. That's another upside of being best friends with the most generous guy on Earth. His family was also real cool about that, so I had already arranged for Yugi's grandpa to pose as my dad in just such a situation.  
But thinking about Yugi made me realize that, recently, he HASN'T been that generous. He told me EVERYTHING about what he did at the mall, and I was totally shocked. First Yami, then Bakura, then Kaiba? And, from what I could tell, he got Ryou into trouble yesterday, without even a second thought! What the hell was with my buddy, anyway? He even blackmailed me! I was sort of hurt, when he threatened to tell Kaiba about the leash I'd bought. He didn't need to, I wasn't going to tell, anyway! It kinda hurt, the fact that he didn't trust me to keep my mouth shut.  
Thinking about the leash made me blush. Yugi had figured it out immediately, as did Yami. Damn. Oh, well. Yami wouldn't tell, and Yugi knew that his blackmail would be spoiled if HE did. Man, only two more days, Kaiba's birthday was on Thursday. Oy. If I messed this up, I would never live it down. I'd have to move to Siberia or something. And there was so much that could go wrong. I could start stammering like a damned baka, or I could end up blurting it out like a baka. Or I could screw it up without myself doing anything dumb. How was I to even know if Kaiba was gay? He probably wasn't straight, 'cause he's never had any girlfriends, but that was probably 'cause he's been too busy. Hell, for all I knew, he was probably totally non-sexual! And my ass was riding on the sliver of a chance of him being gay. Damn. I sure like to take risks, ne?  
Leaning into the bed, I gently felt my head. Good, there wasn't much of a bump. Maybe after a nap, I'd be able to get up and moving. I curled up, comfortable, and dozed off...  
  
"No, I don' want anchovies on that, but thanks," I murmured as the person behind me in line shook me. "Hey, hol' your horses, will ya? I'm tryin' to get a pizza here!"  
"No, you're not, Puppy. You're trying to get some consciousness." Wha-?  
"What the hell? I- I- aahhhhh," I snapped out of my pizza dream and yawned, stretching. Oh, crap. Did my back's wound crack again? Shit.  
"Wake up, Puppy. It's 3:45." I bolted straight up in the bed.  
"Oh, ****!"  
"Huh? Are you okay?"  
I looked at Kaiba. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
"Your friends were here earlier, but Anzu and Yugi had to work, Honda had to pick his bike up, and Ryou had to do some shopping. I promised to see you home safely."  
My eyes grew wide as he spoke. "Nani? Doushite?"  
He shrugged. "I guess I didn't want to let you try it on your own. You slammed your head pretty damn hard, and I didn't want to see you faint while walking home."  
I blushed, and hung my head abashedly. Knowing myself, I probably WOULD end up fainting.  
"Look, do you want a ride? By the way you reacted to the time, I'd say you're later than you should be, and you won't get very far if you try to walk."  
"I couldn't. Kaiba, I really appreciate it, but I jus' couldn't."  
"I couldn't let you walk home. I- I would feel personally responsible for you getting more hurt. I don't want that. So listen. You ARE going to let me give you a ride. And besides, it's hot today. A concussion plus heat could really hurt you. So don't be stupid. Are you coming?"  
The very idea of Kaiba giving me a ride sounded good, but if my dad found out that I'm associating with rich people, he'd kill me. I couldn't have him drive me home.  
"Or, maybe, I could take you somewhere you could get a ride from."  
That was an idea. Maybe he could take me to the Kame Game Shop. Yugi could get me on the bus. Then, oh, the idea of facing my father with half of my usable brain actually usable, oy. Itai. I held my hand to my head.  
"Are you okay? Maybe you should go to the hospital-"  
"NO!" My own shout made my head throb even more. Double itai!  
"Well, then let's go!"  
"No!" Every sound, flash of light, every sensation made my world spin. I groaned and fell backwards-  
into Kaiba's arms. "Jonouchi, that's it! You need medical care! I'm taking you to see a doctor!"  
"No!" I squirmed and flailed, but he was far stronger than I. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and raised a hand to my neck. My eyes grew wide as I felt him press behind my ear gently. I let my eyes fall closed, and he kept lightly rubbing behind my ear. Pressure pointing, but not knocking me out. Man, it DID feel good. He kept at it for several seconds, before releasing me.  
"Jonouchi, I don't mean I'm going to take you to the hospital. I don't know why, but you're reluctant to go there. Instead, I'm going to take you to see the Kaiba family physician. Privately employed, and I promise he'll keep it totally confidential, or I'll fire him and have him blacklisted. Now, are you going to come calmly?" The more he spoke, the better of an idea it sounded. Carefully, I nodded. He lifted me in his strong arms, and I felt surprisingly secure. Safe, a word I hadn't used referring to myself in years. I yawned, settling against his chest. Oh, Kami-sama, how I hoped that, someday, Kaiba Seto would hold me like that, without me needing to be carried. How I hoped that he would be as gentle with me without me injured. How I hoped to be held forever...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Luke: I made myself hungry with that breakfast description! ^____^ Anyone know how to e-mail food? Oh, by the way, "osuwari" is "sit," but ONLY for a dog. And the phone number? 331-KAME. As in, the Kame (turtle) Game Shop. Did you like? Oh, and I update rarely, and have at least a couple of chapters per update, because I'm relying on Meta to post it. Hm. This wasn't too funny, either. Got more mushy. DAMN ME THE BAKA MORBID FLUFFBRAIN!!! Oy. But if I ever make anyone seem OOC (except, DUH, Yugi), without intentionally doing so, PLEASE tell me. Okay, people? 


	6. Anzu POV

DISCLAIMER: Anoooooo, why the heck would anyone assume I own Yu-Gi-Oh! ? Therefore, why is it necessary to have a disclaimer? This is FAN fiction, not ORIGINAL fiction. BIIIIIIG difference!  
  
WARNINGS: Anzu point of view. 'Nuff said.  
  
SUMMARY: More funny, absolutely no fluff.  
  
Chapter VI:  
  
~~~~ANZU POV~~~~  
  
I slammed my locker shut, rolling my eyes. Sheesh, can't Jonouchi avoid doing something dumb for a DAY? I swear, that guy's destined to die of something totally stupid, like microwaving gym socks or something. Sheesh. How could he FORGET his seat would do that? Oh, well. I guess I'm the brains of this operation- besides Yugi-chan, that is. And Yami-chan, *droooooooooooool...*  
  
Yawning from mental fatigue, I stepped out of the school- and my entire day got worse. Not only was it hot, it was muggy! No, scratch that. It was a sauna! And drenched with rain. Ugh, my hair! And I had to run to work! Grrrrr! This was SO not my day!  
  
  
  
"Konnichi-wa, Anzu-san!"  
  
"Konnichi-wa, Mikahishi-san!" I shouted to my boss as I rushed in, after speed-changing in a convenience-store's bathroom. I bolted behind the counter to grab my tray, pen, and order pad, and hurried to take my first customer's order.  
  
"Konnichi-wa! Nani ni shimasu ka?" I asked the woman sitting at the nearest table that hadn't been seen to. The woman raised an eyebrow, and suddnely I recognized her. Kujaku Mai!  
  
"What, you're not going to say hi? No, 'How've you been?' No, 'It's great to see you?'" Yup. Just as I'd remembered.  
  
"Hello, Mai. Now, what do you want? I'm on the job, you know." I kept my tone polite, but couldn't prevent a twitch from forming below my left eye.  
  
"Let's see, hon. I think I'll have a diet Coke for starters, and then, do you have any salads?"  
  
"Yes, we have a roast chicken salad and a regular salad. Also, there's a salad bar over there- but it costs a bit more." I resisted tapping my foot, but my grip on the pen tightened.  
  
"Ooh, salad bar. I didn't see it. Thanks for telling me. I think I'll use that. Sounds good. And, an order of onion rings, please."  
  
"Very well, the total will be ¥750." She handed me a credit card, and I returned to the counter with her order. After a few more customers, I returned with her Coke and onion rings, and a bowl for the salad bar.  
  
"Thanks, hon! You're not bad at this!"  
  
"I'm just in it for the money." I growled, trying to maintain patience.  
  
"Well, then, we've got something in common! Except, I like what I get paid for!" I had had enough.  
  
"And what's that, 'hon?' Sex?" And, with a sarcastic wink, I turned my back to her, blocking the queen of irritation from my mind as I focused on my job.  
After work, I went straight home. Freaking homework. I've fallen asleep doing it more times than I can count. Ugh, and tonight I had trig! Shimatta! Oh, well. At least I didn't have any English- that language sucks! I can't make any sense of the pronunciation, and the spelling is screwed! Why do we have to learn it, anyway? Oh, wait. It'll probably be handy when I'm in New York, for my dance lessons. Grrrrrrrr. Why does that language have to make no sense?  
  
Anoooo, whoops. Didn't mean to vent. As I was saying, I was working on my trig, when my cell phone rang. "Moshi moshi?"  
  
"Moshi moshi, Anzu. Remember our deal?" It was Yugi-chan.  
  
"Of course! I keep acting like I don't understand you're 'struggling' to avoid my kisses, you get me a date with Yami!"  
  
"Precisely. Tomorrow, I'll meet you at the park, and you come up to me, and flirt. Act like a total slut. And then, kiss me. Not that it's what I want, but it fits my plan perfectly!" His voice, usually so gentle, seemed to be cracking with suppressed laughter.  
  
"Gotcha. I come, flirt, and kiss. See you at school, Yugi!"  
  
"Hai! Ja ne!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
NO, Anzu is NOT getting a date with Yami! Remember Bakura saying he got "screwed?" That's important soon. GOMEN NASAI for not updating in eons! REVIEW! I've decided to impose a threat. I won't update until my total number of reviews is 10 (I have 4 for this fic so far). So REVIEW, people! Or no more story! Bai-bai! And REVIEW, damnit! 


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